dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
