win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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