He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
