your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's never too late to be topless.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
