East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
