I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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