tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sext me about skeletons
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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