everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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