I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
