So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
