We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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