apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
