pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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