you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize