No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
