I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
