Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
