The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
