there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize