i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's the barista slut.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
