so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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