You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
