I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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