she woke up with a sticky ear
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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