it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize