Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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