I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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