these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
