he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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