His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
