I just saw a hot homeless man
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
