just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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