Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
