I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize