STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Two words: blizzard sex
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
