you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
