so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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