And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
