Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
