About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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