it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
