Whats the glycemic index on semen?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
