We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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