I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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