Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize