so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
