i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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