so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
