There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
