i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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