Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
