Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
