You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
