How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
