I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
