Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
