I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
