I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
