there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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