she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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