I need to stop coming to work sober
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
