So drunk its hurt
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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