He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
